Today, two of the most important people in my life left their home, left the land they grew up, we grew up and went to a place far away.
One did it to pursue their career as an airforce army, the other one did it to continue their studies.
At the age of 18, I have made peace with myself to be alright with people leaving me behind for the sake of the better. For their future to be brighter. Hence, I tried my best to control my emotions whenever I hear or acknowledge that another person is going far away because I know, I officially entered a phase in life where everyone is going further away, to develop and become a young adult.
The night before today, the night before the two people is officially going away, I caught myself wishing for something. I never did it before but I just somehow did it this time.
I left home for a short period of time last year, to study in an island.
The feeling of leaving home after being stucked in for 18 years is such a big relief for me. I know I shouldn’t say this but it feels like there’s no leashes tying around my neck and no CCTV cameras watching everywhere and everything I do. Was I homesick? I guess you could say yes, but it wasn’t even severe like what my friends experienced. Yes, I did missed and cried about my family. Yes, I also like being away from them.
It’s like to be away, I can finally feel that I am human that is loved. I think there’s a specific term for this feeling, but I forgot what it’s called as I stumbled across it only on TikTok awhile back then.
The night before they left, I realized the feeling of being the one who were left behind. I am studying here in the land I grew up on because fortunately, I was accepted here. Despite my heart always wanted to be away, I think my brain knows what’s for the better.
Then, I thought, what if the people that left had the same thought as I do? Felt the same feelings that I experienced?
What if they also like it to be away from home, to create their own home?
Call me selfish, call me weird.
But, God, at that moment, I prayed hard that they will always feel a piece of them missing and only could be found here, at the land they grew up.
I did that because if they leave for the good, it means they will leave me behind. It’s not that I am not used to people not staying, but at this moment, I couldn’t bear the thought of losing them.
So, I prayed, I prayed, I prayed.
I prayed that may they always remember their home.
And so I pleaded,
“Please always remember your way back home.”
So, they will always remember there’s me,
waiting for them to come home.
written by C,
21092023.
