In a few more years, it would be 10 years since the last time we talked.
In all honesty, you never really left my mind, despite how hard I made myself believe that I truly completely left you behind in my childhood stories, well you are considered as one, if I ever tell people about our story.
What do 12 years old know about being in love? People would assume that everything I experienced with you is just some silly kids monkey love story. Hence, I made up my mind to think of you as nothing but a fragment of memories from my bittersweet childhood.
As time passed by, I realized that you still lingers. I tried so many time erasing you but once in awhile, you would still appear in my thoughts, at the most random hours.
That makes me wonder about how are you doing in life right now? Are you happy? Are you growing up well? Do you go through the same phases that we all went through? What do you want to do when you grow up? Do you have plans? All this questions will pop out in my head whenever you cross my mind.
But most importantly, I wonder, do you ever think of me?
Every year I wish for us to reconnect, to catch up with each others, just as old friends.
I know you know all my social medias, the same way I know all of yours.
Do you watch my updates through my brother’s instagram, the same way I did to your sister?
Do you often have this urge to send me follow requests to all my social medias, the same way I do?
Do you, for once, just once, have this thought of wanting to create a connection between us again?
I still think of you on your birthday but you probably don’t even know mine.
I still wish you have a happy life everytime it’s new year’s day, every single year, but you probably never think of me once after we cut off everything since the year 2016.
I still hope you do good in your education, because I know you are one smart kid on your own too.
I still do a lot of things unconsciously for you, to you.
I don’t know why, I don’t know how.
The time we shared when we were 12, was short yet sweet to me. All the things that happened, I wanted to truly apologize. I didn’t care about what you are feeling at that moment because I was too selfish of wanting the good for my own.
How would I know, I was only 12. I was only 13.
Whatever happened between us, I want you to know all the things we shared I considered as good times to me.
I want you to know you are always a sweet memory to me. You are a piece of my memories that I want to throw because it seems not useful for the future, but I never was able to throw it away.
Just because I have this hope that someday in the future, our path would cross again, we will talk to each other, to begin again.
I don’t know what kind of feelings I have for you, to have this urge of wanting to know you back. For us to know each other not as the cute little young silly dumb 12 years old kids, but as matured developed young adults.
I guess you could assume that I will always care for you.
Thus, if God allows, if universe and fate is on my side, please have the same urge to wanting to meet me again.
If not, I hope the other version of us existing somewhere in another universes out there are doing well and taking care of each other.
My only request every year is that I want you to take care of yourself. For yourself.
I asked you that solely because,
I care for you still,
And I know, I will,
perhaps forever.
written by C.
19092023.
